'I'll Investigate You on the Dark Web' - My Favorite Rejection Ever

One of my favourite stories from my 10 years in content.

I've sent roughly a million work emails in my career. But there's one response I'll never forget - the time I apparently triggered an internet tough guy's origin story and got threatened with 'investigative resources and software.' All because I, at precisely 10:07 AM on a Monday, caffeinated and choosing chaos, sent... a backlink request.

There I was, Head of SEO at an agency, doing what SEO people do - sending outreach emails about backlinks. You know, the same thrilling message copied and pasted a thousand times, hoping someone might actually read it. The coffee had just hit that perfect level where my filter was completely optional.

Then it happened. The response that would become legendary:

'Go away, pathetic SEO millennial.'

Now, a less caffeinated person might have let this go. A more professional person definitely would have. But Monday morning me? With that premium roast coursing through my veins? I chose violence.

'Monday that bad already, Stephen?'

What happened next was... well, imagine someone responding to a gentle tap on the shoulder by unleashing their full anime villain backstory.

Stephen - or as I came to think of him, The Dark Web Whisperer - went full keyboard warrior:

'Want to see me become frisky? Annoy me, email me, or spam me. My team will make use of our investigative resources and software...'

He went on about 'also participated awards' and suggested I Google 'Stephen E Arnold dark web' - because apparently, that's a totally normal way to respond to a Monday morning email.

But here's where it gets even better. Over the next five years, I kept collecting Stephen stories like some sort of weird Pokemon trainer of internet drama. It was like joining a support group nobody asked for.

I’ve met 6 people who all have their own Stephen E. Arnold story…

The best part? This all started because I asked about a backlink. A backlink. Not state secrets. Not controversial opinions. Just a simple 'hey, want to exchange links?' delivered with a side of Monday morning sass.

It's become my favorite story about how the internet can turn perfectly normal business interactions into soap opera-worthy drama. And somewhere out there, Stephen is probably still typing angry responses in all caps, defending the web from pathetic millennials like me, one furious email at a time. Though honestly, I hope he's found peace... or at least a good therapist.

Here's the thing about content marketing: for every polite 'no thanks,' there's occasionally going to be a Stephen. And sometimes those rejections are worth more than the backlinks would've been.

After all, the best content marketing stories aren't about the links you got - they're about the unhinged responses you collected along the way.

✌️ Tim “Pathetic SEO Millennial” Hanson
CMO @Penfriend.ai

P.S. The full response I got from him.
Do you have a Stephen E. story?